Always - Jon Bon Jovi

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up
Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
Touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him with these words of mine
To say to you till the end of time

That I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
in these loaded dice
but baby if you give me just one more try
we can pack up our old dreams
and our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Always

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Dealing With Disappointment

Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations to manifest. (*from Wikipedia)

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disappointment (*from Dictionary.com)
noun
1. a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized; "his hopes were so high he was doomed to disappointment"
2. an act (or failure to act) that disappoints someone

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Dealing With Disappointment (*from http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/disappointment.htm)

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

We all make plans, have dreams, and set goals. Will our plans materialize or end in complete failure? The only thing certain about life is uncertainty. So, our frail attempts may end in glorious victory or frustrating defeat. Such is the nature of life. We are destined to engage in a series of celebrations interspersed with a series of disappointments. Because of this, it is important to learn how to deal with disappointment. Martin Luther King, Jr. suggests one way of coping; mainly, by accepting it. After all, disappointment occurs in just one moment of time. And hope, or the understanding that future successes will follow, lightens its burden.

The word disappointment is made up of DIS and APPOINTMENT. DIS means separate, apart, or asunder. So, disappointment describes a feeling of dissatisfaction or anguish, which is experienced when we are torn apart from our expected appointment with fate. Yet, we don't have to experience pain when things don't go our way. The negativity surrounding disappointment exists not in the real world, but only in our mind. It is not the event, but our interpretation of it that causes pain.

Every time I take a walk with a friend, Will, regardless where we go, he always finds coins in the street and on the sidewalk. Mainly pennies, but sometimes nickels, dimes, and quarters. Hundreds of people walk by unaware of the change beneath their feet. So why is it that Will, who could use the extra money, always seems to find it? There's no mysterious force at work here. Just common sense. Will finds the money because he's looking for it! This is just a simple illustration of an important principle of life, which is WE FIND WHAT WE LOOK FOR. When things don't go as I had hoped they would, is that bad? It is if I look for something bad. If I am slammed on the head by disappointment, is that good? Yes, it is, if I look for something good. We find what we look for.

For several years I participated in public speaking contests. I was a regular winner. One day, I lost in a national contest by coming in second. When I heard the verdict of the judges, I had a moment to reflect, and was surprised by my lack of disappointment. You see, I had LOST a contest, but GAINED an experience. Despite the many contests I joined, I had never thought of how the 'losers' must feel. Now I could better understand how it feels to be defeated. I gained increased respect for all the competitors who took the risk of competing. I was also thankful for the opportunity of learning how to lose graciously. Was my defeat good for me? You bet it was! Can disappointment be good for you? You bet it can! We can lessen the negative effects of disappointment, or eliminate it entirely, with the right attitude. Here are some steps we can take to develop that attitude or lighten our burden.

1. No matter how careful or positive we are, we are bound to experience grief, suffering, pain, fear, and anxiety, for they are part of life, the price we pay for the privilege of sharing in the joys of life. Since you can count on suffering, make sure you can count on joy. Do this by planning family outings, get-togethers with friends, and time to enjoy your hobbies, nature, and the arts. By constantly planning for fun, you guarantee that any grief you experience will be interspersed with joy.

2. Don't be guilty of reverse vision. That is, don't look inward when you should be looking outward, and don't look outward when you should be looking inward. Here's what I mean. Are you disappointed in friends that don't live up to your expectations? If you are, you are guilty of reverse vision. You are looking outward (at your friends' conduct) when you should be looking inward (at your own conduct). How can you be disappointed by the failure of your friends or relatives to live up to your expectations when you yourself fail to live up to your own expectations? When you see your own weaknesses, you'll be able to accept the weaknesses of others. Are you sometimes devastated by misfortune and wonder how life can be so cruel? If so, you are guilty of reverse vision. You are looking inward when you should be looking outward. How can you beat your breast and cry out, "Woe is me," when so many people are suffering to a much greater degree? When you begin to cry out, ""Woe are them," you'll start to be thankful for your blessings.

3. When you learn to welcome challenges and love problem solving, disappointments will disappear. Enjoy the thrill of being a champion by relishing battles, whether you win or lose them. Whenever things go wrong, analyze the situation and see what you can learn and then move on. If you are constantly running into hurdles when pursuing a long-term goal, just remember there is no failure until you give up, so don't! Don't you love puzzles? Life is a maze (it is also amazing). Enjoy it! When you run into a dead end, just turn around and try again! Be an explorer, an adventurer. Take risks. Shoot for the stars! To do so is to experience an exhilaration that far exceeds the power of any disappointment that may come your way.

4. You will not enjoy or win at cards if all you do is complain about the hand you're dealt. Expect nothing more from life than what it offers and you will never be let down. Welcome the opportunities it provides by making the most of the cards you're dealt. Also, don't forget to feed your mind with positive thoughts by reading good books. Then make those thoughts your own by reflecting on them. When you understand them, you will fill your mind with light. Apply what you learn by practicing it.

5. If you experience a disappointment that you find difficult to overcome without help, talk to friends. That will help you realize that you're not alone and that others have overcome similar problems. And speaking of friends, don't disappoint them and chances are they'll never disappoint you, but if they do, forgive them, for how can someone hurt you if you forgive them? If you appeal to the best side of your friends, the chances are you won't be disappointed.

6. Abandon childish demands and foolish expectations. Are you looking for the perfect mate? If you are, you're sure to be disappointed. For only God is perfect. We mortals are imperfect. If you can accept that, you can eliminate much unnecessary misery from your life. The same is true for the perfect job, perfect child, or perfect life. It doesn't exist (unless we are among a handful of remarkable individuals who have enough clarity of mind, purity of heart, and understanding of life to see nothing but goodness).

7. Finally, cultivate patience, for as Joseph Addison (1672 ~ 1719) wrote, "Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures."

Expectations or disappointments

I gave a presentation yesterday. I have been winning every presentation I gave for the past few years. Yesterday I did not win.

It does not feel good. It feels like failing. Failing at something you think you are good at have effects on the ego. Failing to meet your own expectations makes one vulnerable. You end up with a sense of worthlessness, it leaves you feeling useless, or a big fool. The only thing you can do well, you did not.

I seldom fail, failing is not in my dictionary. It is not something I am use to. Everything I do, I do my best. And I have always believe that if you do your best, you will be the best. You are right. I have expectations. Whatever I do, I invest heavily on. On thoughts, on effort, on energy. I believe that as long as I put my heart in, I will achieve my goal.

Maybe the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointments.

The price of success

Everyone of us wants to be successful. But what does it take to be successful in life?

In the real world that we are living, everything comes with a price tag. Anything that you wish to have, requires something of you.

You want a career, you have to put in hard work. You want good relationship, it demands your dedication. You want to be successful, what are you willing to pay?

The price of success ultimately leads to loneliness. The higher you climb, the lonelier you become. There is a saying that goes "It is a lonely way up!"

You may not agree with me, but you know that the model of the world is a pyramid. The higher it goes, the more tapered it becomes.

True enough along the way there are people at the same strata walking with you. But as you progress, you find yourself losing those that do not catch up with you.

You find yourself living with only your purpose. Only your purpose is left to keep you going. Your daily activities, your hobby, your lifestyle, everything about you has only your purpose in priority.

"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" ~ Matthew 16 : 25-26

Fate vs Prayer

"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. " ~ Psalm 127 : 1 (NIV)

" "Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. " ~ Mark 11 : 22-24 (NIV)

Ever ask yourself that question? If God is the Lord of all and all things work according to His mighty plan, isn't everything pre-fix in heaven? Or rather what will be will be, because God has already ordained it. So if everything is predestine, should we Que Sara Sara, whatever will be will be? Or should we pray for the mountain to be removed?

Unless God move, nothing changes. Yet God can defy the laws on earth. So how do we pray in the will of God that He will move? Or rather how could you pray to move God? How would you know that what you ask for glorified His Name?

" Against its will, everything on earth was subjected to God's curse. All creation anticipates the day when it will join God's children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And even we Christians, although we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, also groan to be released from pain and suffering. We, too, wait anxiously for that day when God will give us our full rights as his children, including the new bodies he has promised us. Now that we are saved, we eagerly look forward to this freedom. For if you already have something, you don't need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don't have yet, we must wait patiently and confidently.

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn, with many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And he gave them right standing with himself, and he promised them his glory.

What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? (Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.") No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. " ~ Romans 8 : 20-39 (NLT)

"And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. " ~ Romans 5 : 3-5 (NKJV)

Vulnerability of Men

Here I am studying all about Genetic diseases, watching House on the Internet, thinking, Hey human are in fact very vulnerable.

The human body as you already know is made up of your 23 pairs of chromosomes. In which, lies your super condense DNA. And error in the DNA replication can cause a medical disease. It can range from a tumor to cancer. Which in fact is probably the same thing.

You live your prime years of youth not knowing anything, but when you grew older, your body deteriorates. You never will know what will happen in life.

You can be happy at one moment and bang. Your wife have cancer and she is dying. You can be happy you finally become a father and bang. Your infant got a MRSA from the hospital. Next thing you know you are ordering an infant coffin.

My point is, human are very vulnerable. We are subjected to all kinds of diseases, trauma, disaster, you name it, we have it. And the key of our survival is simply faith. We believe that we can pull through tomorrow.

It is that simple like it or not. Faith. All that you have...

Movie Review - Gabriel

I just watch the movie Gabriel. Good stuff. But a depressing ending. The show talks about human's vulnerability and challenges in life. The constant struggle between choices, good and evil. Gabriel was connected to the source throughout the show, turning the rest of the Arc with glimpse of hope. But at the show ended with both our favorite Arc angel Michael and Gabriel fallen. The show ends of with a message, like what the disciples in the bible ask Jesus, "Who then can inherit an eternal life?"

You can read the plot here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabriel_(film)

Are we really far from Grace? Isn't this the very question that challenges us in circumstances where things seems impossible? Like what one of an Arc, Raphael says in the movie: "It is surrounded by darkness here, the longer you are down here the weaker your connection of the source becomes." Even the Arc angels who came from heavens doubted?

The opening is normal where Gabriel came to Earth. But when he got into Michael's apartment, Michael left Gabriel a note saying: "Gabriel, if you are reading this then I have failed. We are far from grace, further than I could ever imagine. You will feel things that will cloud your judgement. This enemy within is strong and unpredictable. Control these emotions or the fight cannot be won. The others have failed. Learn from them, but do not follow. You are the last, Michael."

On his quest, Gabriel found out the rest of the Arc were brutally murdered one by one. Amitiel, an Arc, who now calls herself Jade, was defeated by Sammael, stripped of her wings, and forced to work as a prostitute. She had fallen.

In the last fight, Sammael refuses to fight Gabriel, instead asking him to listen to what he has to say. He explains how he despises being an angel, a being created entirely to serve others. He sees purgatory as a chance to take control of his own destiny, and asks Gabriel to join him. Refusing his offer, Gabriel unwillingly realises that Sammael is actually the Arc angel Michael, his closest friend. Apparently, Michael had killed the Fallen Sammael and assumed Sammael's identity. The two angels fight, but because Gabriel has used up so much of his strength helping the other Arcs, Michael has the advantage. Michael ultimately impales Gabriel’s chest with a metal pipe. Gabriel admits that during his time as a human he has felt rage and anger, but he has also felt other positive emotions that Michael hasn’t. Gabriel embraces Michael, which drives the metal pipe through Michael’s chest, and tells Michael that he forgives him. Both angels collapse. Michael uses the last of his strength to heal Gabriel’s wound, then dies. Light returns to purgatory.

Kneeling in front of Michael's dead body, Gabriel shouts at God asking Him whether this is what He wanted. Expressing his grief "You have shown me everything but this. How can I return when all this has happened? Michael, Amitiel I need to feel this. I need to understand how this happened. In time, You will form new works. and all this will be forgotten. I can't let that happen. I won't let it happen." Then the healed Gabriel moves to the edge of the rooftop with outstretches his arms, and lets himself fall. His final words are, "You threw me far from grace, and now I have fallen to it. I hope I see you again..."

Then Gabriel narrates as he fell. "Falling is the last thing an angel feels. A distant voice stills echoes inside my head, but for the first time, it is my own. Forgive me..."

So why can't Gabriel return? Grief? Disappointment? Feeling that God has forsaken them?

I have seen many of my friends left due to their disappointment in God. Daniel, Noah, Job, Abraham, David, Habakkuk, even Peter the Apostle, and Jesus Christ Himself.

But they had one thing in common. They knew that the question is not "Is God unfair?" rather, "Is life unfair?" No one was exempt from tragedy, pain, disappointment. Job wasn't. The other people in the Old Testament were not. Even Jesus Himself, when He came to earth, was not exempt from unfairness, from pain, from tragedy.

Job in the old Testament was a righteous man who suffered much. Jesus was a perfect man who suffered even more. Yet, God took that unfairness, that tragedy, and made it a great victory, a victory on which our whole faith rests.

Maybe, just maybe. Just when God seems most dead, He maybe coming back to life. Like the resurrection 3 days after the crucifixion.

To end off with a lighter note. There is always a choice of Free Will. We have our decisions. We can choose to trust or we can struggle with the disappointments and allow ourselves to grow bitter toward God.

You are not alone....

Proximity is not Intimacy (Part 2)

I went to visit my grandmother last night. I haven't been visiting her since... Since a long time... The surrounding was familiar. I grew up there you see. Many memories came back, both good and bad. I am happy to see grandma is doing well now. She looks good, and happy and all. My baby cousin was there, he is 9. He insisted that I go to his house after dinner. And so I did. I played X-Box with him. He was the one doing the playing really, while I just sit around. Some thoughts came to me, I was kind of thinking when will I have my own place. I will make it cosy, loving and warm... Oh well... Back to reality...

I stayed over at grandma's last night. By the time I woke up in the morning, it is time to go to work. I was pretty reluctant to go work actually. In fact, I was so tempted to take the day off to spend some quality with grandma. I love her so much. When you love someone, there will never be enough time to spend with them. I am at work right now, and I wish I was back there with her.

I guess of all The Five Love Languages, my primary is Quality Time.

Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

As I grew older, my pie of time gets divided by a greater factor and my personal share gets thinner. I do not have a lot of time for myself, or for people that I treasure. I cherish every moment I spent with them. I wish that those time would freeze. But rather, those time flies really fast. I want to make the most out of those time. But that can only happen when the other party is willing. And the coldest truth is, not everyone is willing to spend time with you. Just like my time is divided by the many factors of responsibilities I took up, their time gets divided as well.

So I really pray that God will hear my cry and answer my prayers, to prepare for me a partner who is willing to make time for me the way I would make time for her, the way we make time for God. The last thing I want is to marry someone who is too busy for me or the family.

That is right. My pirioties are people, and relationships.

In 2004, when I dropped out of SOT. God spoke to me in the following verse:

"As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." ~ Luke 10: 38-42 (NIV)

We have all heard this message preached to us a millions times. Let me just give you a brief summary. At the beginning of Luke 10, Jesus appointed 72 workers to go into every town to preach the gospel, heal the sick, and cast out demons. He was telling them "The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves." in verse 2 and 3. So Jesus is talking about Work, and Ministry. Note this two words, you will hear them very frequently later on. So the beginning of Luke, Jesus was telling the diciples to go do His work, go labour for the gospel and work hard. Cast out demons, heal the sick and preach the gospel. And that is IMPORTANT!

And it comes to verse 20, Jesus says "However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." And Jesus continues saying in verse 21 to 24 saying: "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure. "All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows who the Son is except the Father, and no one knows who the Father is except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him." Then he turned to his disciples and said privately, "Blessed are the eyes that see what you see. For I tell you that many prophets and kings wanted to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it."

The story continues with a Pharisee:

"On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?" "What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?" He answered: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" "You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live." But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?" ~ Luke 10 : 25-29

And Jesus reply with the story of a Good Samaritan. And the next verse after the Good Samaritan was talking about Martha and Mary. With Jesus saying "Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

What did Mary do? Mary chose to sit at the Jesus' feet listening to what He say.

So why is that a better choice? Remember at verse 25 a Pharisee ask Jesus how to inherit eternal life, Jesus answered in verse 27: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Mary chose to make time and spend quality time with Jesus. Most messages ends here teaching you about spending time with God... But in 2004, God spoke to me about the next part. Remember the bible can be summarised into the ten commandants and further summarised into two: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

The second part 'Love your neighbor as yourself.', people matters. So God opened my eyes in 2004, telling me how important people are. That renewed my mind and altered my perspective. I had a Paradigm Shift and changed my Priorities in life.

I "awaken" in a revelation that after God, people around me matters most. It is not my work, nor my studies, nor my ministries. People matters.

Am I saying that work and studies and ministries are not important? CERTAINLY NOT! Like I said, Luke 10 started off with Jesus telling the people to work and serve and preach the gospel. It is important! But Luke 10 ends off saying "Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Surely I am not saying this to put down practical and active do-ers. Or to glorify those who forget all about waiting duties, if some-one or some-thing manages to engage their total interest. NO! CERTAINLY NOT!

But what I am saying is the people around you, the relationships that God entrusted you with are like talents. If you are going to ignore it. It will not flourish. And people don't live forever on Earth, even though they will be in heaven. But not on Earth!

My Priorities are God, people and my relationships with them, career, then ministry. Let's put it this way, the people around you, your spouses and family members are your first ministry! Then your career in the marketplace, then your church ministry.

So are your priorities right my friend? I know mine is...

Living close together is not having an intimate relationship!

Proximity is not Intimacy!