Thursday, February 21, 2008

Type A Personality Test


About Type A and Type B Personality
According to scientific literature, Type A behavior is characterized by an intense and sustained drive to achieve goals and an eagerness to compete. Personalities categorized as Type A tend to have a persistent desire for external recognition and advancement. They are involved in various functions that bring about time restrictions. Such personalities have a tendency to speed up mental and physical tasks with extraordinary mental and physical alertness. These characteristics make for super-achievers and high-powered people.

Type A individuals can get a lot done and have the potential to really move ahead in the world. But there is a high price to pay. Certain components of such a personality can inhibit happiness and even threaten health. For example, the goals that Type A folks set are often poorly defined and therefore hard to achieve—a perfect recipe for misery.

Type A is also characterized by a general discontentedness and the impulse to be overly critical and demanding, even contemptuous of imperfection, in the self and others. This focus on negative aspects and the accompanying bursts of hostility and impatience result in guilt, remorse and anxiety.

Type A personalities are motivated by external sources (instead of by inner motivation), such as material reward and appreciation from others. Type A folks experience a constant sense of opposition, wariness, and apprehension--they are always ready for battle. And anyone can imagine how this constant (and very exhausting) existence would deplete reserves of contentment and happiness and disrupt personal equilibrium.

Although the literature is somewhat inconsistent because of problems with the conceptualization and definition of Type A behavior pattern, it has been linked to higher risks of cardiovascular diseases. The risks seemed to be reduced with intervention aimed at reducing Type A behavior. Indeed, those with a high Type A score would be happier and healthier if they were to file down the jagged edges of their personality. By learning how to control the negative behavior patterns while preserving their drive, Type A people can be successful without sacrificing their emotional well-being.

Type B behavior is usually defined as the absence of Type A behavior. Type B personalities are relaxed and have a laid-back attitude and posture. They are friendly, accepting, patient, at ease, and generally content. They are at peace with themselves and others. They show a general sense of harmony with people, events, and life circumstances. They tend to be trusting. They focus on the positive aspects of things, people and events. Type B folks are self-encouraging, have inner motivation, are stable and have a pleasant mood. They are interested in others and accept trivial mistakes. They have an accepting attitude about trivial mistakes and a problem-solving attitude about major mistakes. They are flexible and good team members. The Type B person is able to lead and be led.

Results of Your Type A Personality Test

Personality Type
Your score = 79


What does your score mean?
You seem to have a Type A personality. Type A personality is characterized by an exaggerated sense of time urgency, competitiveness, anger and hostility. People who share certain characteristics with you are often concerned with the acquisition of objects and generally dissatisfied with the world, including oneself. You don't know how and when to relax. People probably get tense around you, and they tend to feel threatened in your presence. Continuous stress and allowing unexpressed feelings to pile up are not good for your health. You should start learning how to relax, to let go, and enjoy life. Work on your communication skills. Try to take it easy and be lazy sometimes. It might be hard and it would take some effort, but you certainly know how to pick up a challenge.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Ctrl, Alt, Delete


Blog closed and shifted to Wordpress...

Cashback

Synopsis

After a painful break up with his first girlfriend Suzy, Ben, an aspiring artist, develops insomnia. To take his mind off his problem he spends his nights working at a local supermarket, where he meets colorful characters. He falls in love with his colleague Sharon.

He lets his imagination run wild. In particular, he imagines that he can stop time for others, so that he can walk around in a world that is "frozen" like in pause mode of a film. He imagines female clients standing frozen in the supermarket, so that he can undress and draw them.

We see in flashback, with Ben's voice-over explaining how he always has been impressed by the beauty of the female body, how he, as a young boy, could see a Swedish boarder naked while she was going to and coming from the shower; being Swedish she did not believe this situation required modesty. Also we see little Ben's friend Sean Higgins showing Ben his parents' adult magazines. Furthermore we see Sean paying a girl for showing him her genitals.

Sharon is Ben's date when they go to the birthday party of their boss. Ben meets Suzy who wants to continue their relationship. Ben refuses, but Sharon gets a negative impression seeing Ben with Suzy for a moment, and gets angry.

As a practical joke colleagues Barry and Matt phone him, one of them pretending to be an art gallery owner who is interested in his drawings, and an appointment is made. It turns out well: the gallery owner, seeing Ben's work, is interested, and an exhibition follows. Sharon also visits it and is impressed not only by Ben's success, but also by the many paintings portraying her; ceasing from being angry.
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Friday, February 15, 2008

Knights in Shining armor

As much as some girls don't admit, they want their guys to be "Knights in Shining armor" to be their heroes.

There seems to be nothing wrong with that thought. But there lies a underlining problem in the soul.

I have seen many women who are hurt and bitter, maybe because of their past relationships, maybe someone let them down, or maybe be when they were younger and more helpless they were hurt and those experiences huanted them for years or even decades.

How do I know? Men, please let me teach you a thing or two. If there is anything you need to learn. You need to learn to listen! Listen to both the verbal and non-verbal languages.

eg) Woman 1: Arh... All guys are like that... Men... Hee hee...

My friends, it is not a funny joke and it is not to be taken lightly. It is what we call an inner vow. Inner vows are what will cause you problems later in your life. No matter what friendship or relationship or even at your workplace you will be affected.

They sabotage their own relationships and then blame people for their fall. But what they do not realise is that they are the main culprit.

What about those girls that are always on the run? Those that are always running away from their emotions. They don't dare to face them. Don't dare to face their own primary emotions, fear, anger, sadness, and joy. Indeed these are raw emotions and are difficult to deal with. But their past hurts and pain grips them and frightens them.

There are 3 ways they use to cope with emotions:

1. Using obsessive thoughts and behaviors in order to feel controllable emotions. You may create a fantasy life that distracts you from feeling alone. Or, you may engage in compulsive andaddictive behaviors to absorb your attention.

2. Being consistently angry or constantly clowning around. This behavior may seem emotionally intense, but such feelings aretypically “out of sync” with reality. Someone who always kids around may be covering up feelings of fear or insecurity; someone who is always angry or sarcastic may be deeply hurtingbeneath the hostile front.

3. Shutting down and shutting out. Showing a diminishedemotional presence in response to overwhelming feelings of isolationor fear. Physical and sexual abuse can trigger an extreme state of emotional dissociation. People with overwhelming feelings of anger or sadness may cope by numbing themselves emotionally.

It is true that hiding by these emotional back roads may let you "feel" safe, these are actually counterproductive practices. There are emotional and psychological prices to be paid for using them. Those consequences include:

* Shutting down positive emotional experiences. You cannot eliminate experiences of anger or sadness without also eliminating joy.
* Adopting an unhealthy mindset. It takes an enormous amount of energy to block genuine emotional experience. This effort leaves you stressed andlacking the energy needed to live a healthy, well-rounded life.
* Damaging your relationships. Compulsive or addictive behaviors, anger, or withdrawal, will ultimately stress your work and personal relationships, and you will become more isolated and empty.
* Withdrawing from yourselfand the world. The more you distance yourself from your emotions, the more distant you become from others, as well as from yourself. Primary emotion is your best means for successful social contact. It informs you about your needs and the needs of others.

By learning to fully experience your emotions, you will not only be better equipped to handle the difficulties that arise in personal and professional relationships, but may find those relationships richer and more satisfying than ever before. (* by helpguide.org)

So what does all this have to do with "Knights in Shining armor" you may ask.

It makes perfect sense. They constantly long for a "Knights in Shining armor" to come into their life and show them this world is not as frightening as it is. They hope for a God-like figure who is perfect and gentle in every way to draw them out of their helpless situation. They expect the "Knights in Shining armor" to be perfect, even though they verally say its not true, but their non-verbal cues says that is what they hope for.

This is where I don't understand. If you do, please enlighten me.

Fact #1, they know men as fallen creatures are not perfect. But they can't accept their imperfections.

Fact #2, they know they can't expect men to be perfect, but they behave like men are suppose to be perfect, reacting beyond reasons.

Fact #3, they know problems will not suddenly disappear, but when problems arise, they fled the scene. Fight or flight? They chose flight. Yet only when you stay to fight can you overcome your fears.

Fact #4, although men are suppose to be the prophet, priest and king in their life, they know they are not God Himself, yet they always say God is always gentle on them, men are not. It is strange, the God I know is both gentle and have His wrath. Woo... You don't want to see that....

So really, are those perceptions acceptatbly healthy? I have seen female CGL preaching in their CG, "CHC males cannot make it" they say. The strange thing is they long and hope for one man in the crowd to stand up to date them. But they reinforce their mind and others that all the men cannot make it. So why do they hope that a brave loser will date them? Strange right?

Inner vows reinforces your mind to think in a different way. Your mind are the key to decision making no matter conscious or unconscious.

The matter of fact is, helplessnesss can be learnt. Helplessness is not a situation or circumstance that you are in. Helplessness is a state of mind that you process your thoughts.

In 1967, Seligman & Maier did a study on a group of dogs. The dogs are harness and mild electric shocks are administered through the floor. Because the dogs are harnessed, they cannot avoid the shocks. Overtime the dogs learnt that there is nothing they can do about it. Although shocked, the harnesses dogs lay down and whimper and enbrace the shock as part of their life. A second group of dogs were tested without harness. These dogs learnt to avoid the shock.

Why? Because the harnessed dogs were tied down by their circumstances and soon learnt that their behaviour of escaping were ineffective. They gave in to their fate. In psychology it is call, learnt helplessness. In church context, its called self condemnation.

Ladies out there. Or even men who thinks the above relates to you. Ladies, men are not perfect. Relationships are never meant to be smooth sailing forever even though we like to think of love as "living happily ever after". It is not a fairy tale.

Fairy tale don't end and the end of the characters life. Just like in Genesis, 1 day can be a million years, "living happily ever after" can might as well be translated to "LEARNT to live happily ever after".

There will be disagreement. Learn to resolve. Not run away. Not hositilty. Being bitter does not help. Hiding in your cave for weeks or months or even years will not improve the situation.

You have to know that what you can't control you can't control. But what you can control you can make yourself happier. You can't change the man overnight. Please! Women loves to change their men! Changes takes time. You know it. Because you know youself. You don't change overnight. Just like a caterpillar need to goes through a pupa then cocoon stage. It takes time, it will struggle inside. Very uncomfortable just like being put in a emotional dense situation. It will be uncomfortable. But its only through the struggle can a beautiful butterfly can emerge.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day Special

Don't you think it is amazing when two people fall in love?

Two strangers or even friends, who knew nothing about each other in their first 20 over years of their life, they met, they fall in love and decided to get together.

Sounds very impossible, yet after thousands of years, your parents, grandparents and your ancester have all been in that situation.

Falling in love does not mean being in love. Falling in love is fast, you just fall. Being in love or staying in love takes a lot of hard work.

http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/therapists/Articles/FallindsndStayinginLoveJoanMiller.htm
http://www.hopeway.org/family/stayinlove.asp

I am spending this evening with 5 other man and a girl at Henderson Campus. How exciting?!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Loving or Unloving?

Ever heard anyone saying this to you?

"You are so unloving, why are you torturing me like that? I am weak. Be more loving."

I hear this often. In fact, when I was younger, those were my lines. Oh. Come on. As if you never said that before.

Over the years, I began to realise sometimes the most loving thing to do to help your love ones isn't very loving at all. It involves a lot of pain. Yet through that pain is when someone learn and grow. Like the old saying "No pain, No gain".

Sometimes what seems very loving is not actually helping you.

In chinese, we say "忠言逆耳利於行, 良藥苦口利於病"

(I know most of you don't know what it meant. So here is the explaination in english "Loyal advice that sounds unpleasant must still be followed. Effective medicine that tastes bitter must still be swallowed.")

有时候, 百闻不如一见...

("seeing for oneself is a hundred times better than hearing from others"). Watch this vedio. Maybe it will explain my point clearer.

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Saturday, February 09, 2008

Mr and Mrs Smith

Last night a friend ask me, "Gary, how is it like to be in a relatiohship. I am in my first month."

I find it difficult to explain, why not we watch it?

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At first, the couple met. Sparks of fire flying around. They date, have fun, get to know each other. Then they got together, married or not. Its the same. Honeymoon period. Then they start to realise both have their own point of view.



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You would probably think the most sensible thing of getting to know each other is getting closer. Which is not. It has to first grow apart. Until you don't know who you are seeing, asking yourself "what have I gotten myself into".



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The couple starts to kill each other (not as literal as this, anyway you will get the message). Not being sexist, you will find the girl bailing out first. At first response of threat, the girl fleed. Then the guy will chase, go after what ran away and accidentally shot the girl in the process, by plain clumsiness or something. Then you will see the woman display their over-reaction by trying to run the guy down with a car. Then you will find the couple talking to their friends who don't really give good advice. The guy will keep chasing. The girl keeps running. Watch it. You will get the point.



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And the girl will threaten. And they keep killing each other. There will be fights too. But keep it healthy if you can. Fights enhance intimacy. Eventually the couple make up.




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Finally, the couple decides to work together. However, working together takes lots of practice. Besides, they have been without each other for so long in there life before they met. Sure they will have different ways of working. You will find the girl meticulous and the guy working with improvisation. The couple will also have to relearn everything about each other. Still lots of patience needed.



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When you think everyting went well. Pressures of life kicks in again. Again, the girl thinks about bailing out. I guess its natural way of flight and fight responses. Woman being the weaker vessel choose to flight, the guy being the macho macho wants to fight. You will probably be familar with this script:

"I am a mess. You're a disaster. But we are both liars. But you run, you'll always be running. I say we stay and fight. We finish this thing. Then if you want to go you go."

Then the couple give themselves one more shot. Working together, taking out the adversity in their lives. Some pull through some don't. In this case, they do.

Hope it helps friend...


Friday, February 08, 2008

The Break-Up






一人一半

演唱:伍加輝
改編詞:小寒
曲:伍加輝

Verse: G Bm Am D
Chorus: G Bm Am D, Am Bm C D

一人一半 感情不散
一人一素故 感情才會久
時光累計 安靜的淚滴
一心去追 愛那么可貴

Chorus:
這樣的人 這樣地等
無非是等個回應眼神
為愛翻滾 不計傷痕
甘心為你一生都浮沉

這樣的人 別笑我蠢
傻傻的 心痛也不覺疼
就算天冷 就算殘忍
等你想起這沒用的人

一人一半 感情不散
已經找到愛 為何要離開
時光累計 安靜的淚滴
一心去追 愛那么可貴

Repeat Chorus*
一人一半 感情不散
已經找到愛 為何要離開
已經找到愛 為何先離開
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