There seems to be nothing wrong with that thought. But there lies a underlining problem in the soul.
I have seen many women who are hurt and bitter, maybe because of their past relationships, maybe someone let them down, or maybe be when they were younger and more helpless they were hurt and those experiences huanted them for years or even decades.
How do I know? Men, please let me teach you a thing or two. If there is anything you need to learn. You need to learn to listen! Listen to both the verbal and non-verbal languages.
eg) Woman 1: Arh... All guys are like that... Men... Hee hee...
My friends, it is not a funny joke and it is not to be taken lightly. It is what we call an inner vow. Inner vows are what will cause you problems later in your life. No matter what friendship or relationship or even at your workplace you will be affected.
They sabotage their own relationships and then blame people for their fall. But what they do not realise is that they are the main culprit.
What about those girls that are always on the run? Those that are always running away from their emotions. They don't dare to face them. Don't dare to face their own primary emotions, fear, anger, sadness, and joy. Indeed these are raw emotions and are difficult to deal with. But their past hurts and pain grips them and frightens them.
There are 3 ways they use to cope with emotions:
1. Using obsessive thoughts and behaviors in order to feel controllable emotions. You may create a fantasy life that distracts you from feeling alone. Or, you may engage in compulsive andaddictive behaviors to absorb your attention.
2. Being consistently angry or constantly clowning around. This behavior may seem emotionally intense, but such feelings aretypically “out of sync” with reality. Someone who always kids around may be covering up feelings of fear or insecurity; someone who is always angry or sarcastic may be deeply hurtingbeneath the hostile front.
3. Shutting down and shutting out. Showing a diminishedemotional presence in response to overwhelming feelings of isolationor fear. Physical and sexual abuse can trigger an extreme state of emotional dissociation. People with overwhelming feelings of anger or sadness may cope by numbing themselves emotionally.
It is true that hiding by these emotional back roads may let you "feel" safe, these are actually counterproductive practices. There are emotional and psychological prices to be paid for using them. Those consequences include:
* Shutting down positive emotional experiences. You cannot eliminate experiences of anger or sadness without also eliminating joy.
* Adopting an unhealthy mindset. It takes an enormous amount of energy to block genuine emotional experience. This effort leaves you stressed andlacking the energy needed to live a healthy, well-rounded life.
* Damaging your relationships. Compulsive or addictive behaviors, anger, or withdrawal, will ultimately stress your work and personal relationships, and you will become more isolated and empty.
* Withdrawing from yourselfand the world. The more you distance yourself from your emotions, the more distant you become from others, as well as from yourself. Primary emotion is your best means for successful social contact. It informs you about your needs and the needs of others.
By learning to fully experience your emotions, you will not only be better equipped to handle the difficulties that arise in personal and professional relationships, but may find those relationships richer and more satisfying than ever before. (* by helpguide.org)
So what does all this have to do with "Knights in Shining armor" you may ask.
It makes perfect sense. They constantly long for a "Knights in Shining armor" to come into their life and show them this world is not as frightening as it is. They hope for a God-like figure who is perfect and gentle in every way to draw them out of their helpless situation. They expect the "Knights in Shining armor" to be perfect, even though they verally say its not true, but their non-verbal cues says that is what they hope for.
This is where I don't understand. If you do, please enlighten me.
Fact #1, they know men as fallen creatures are not perfect. But they can't accept their imperfections.
Fact #2, they know they can't expect men to be perfect, but they behave like men are suppose to be perfect, reacting beyond reasons.
Fact #3, they know problems will not suddenly disappear, but when problems arise, they fled the scene. Fight or flight? They chose flight. Yet only when you stay to fight can you overcome your fears.
Fact #4, although men are suppose to be the prophet, priest and king in their life, they know they are not God Himself, yet they always say God is always gentle on them, men are not. It is strange, the God I know is both gentle and have His wrath. Woo... You don't want to see that....
So really, are those perceptions acceptatbly healthy? I have seen female CGL preaching in their CG, "CHC males cannot make it" they say. The strange thing is they long and hope for one man in the crowd to stand up to date them. But they reinforce their mind and others that all the men cannot make it. So why do they hope that a brave loser will date them? Strange right?
Inner vows reinforces your mind to think in a different way. Your mind are the key to decision making no matter conscious or unconscious.
The matter of fact is, helplessnesss can be learnt. Helplessness is not a situation or circumstance that you are in. Helplessness is a state of mind that you process your thoughts.
In 1967, Seligman & Maier did a study on a group of dogs. The dogs are harness and mild electric shocks are administered through the floor. Because the dogs are harnessed, they cannot avoid the shocks. Overtime the dogs learnt that there is nothing they can do about it. Although shocked, the harnesses dogs lay down and whimper and enbrace the shock as part of their life. A second group of dogs were tested without harness. These dogs learnt to avoid the shock.
Why? Because the harnessed dogs were tied down by their circumstances and soon learnt that their behaviour of escaping were ineffective. They gave in to their fate. In psychology it is call, learnt helplessness. In church context, its called self condemnation.
Ladies out there. Or even men who thinks the above relates to you. Ladies, men are not perfect. Relationships are never meant to be smooth sailing forever even though we like to think of love as "living happily ever after". It is not a fairy tale.
Fairy tale don't end and the end of the characters life. Just like in Genesis, 1 day can be a million years, "living happily ever after" can might as well be translated to "LEARNT to live happily ever after".
There will be disagreement. Learn to resolve. Not run away. Not hositilty. Being bitter does not help. Hiding in your cave for weeks or months or even years will not improve the situation.
You have to know that what you can't control you can't control. But what you can control you can make yourself happier. You can't change the man overnight. Please! Women loves to change their men! Changes takes time. You know it. Because you know youself. You don't change overnight. Just like a caterpillar need to goes through a pupa then cocoon stage. It takes time, it will struggle inside. Very uncomfortable just like being put in a emotional dense situation. It will be uncomfortable. But its only through the struggle can a beautiful butterfly can emerge.
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