Setback

I have promised myself I would stop blogging. But here I find myself again. It is becoming a way of escape.

What am I escaping from? The reality or myself?

Again I found myself being eaten up from the inside. My soul is degenerating. I am nothing more than a living flesh.

Everything that I was, that I am, accounts to zero now...

Why have God forsaken me? O' mighty God, are you there when I call upon your name? Do you still remember me? David says there is no where he can hide from Your presence. So why have you forsaken me? Why have you thrown me far beyond Grace? Is it true that all things work out for the best?

I was beaten and You were not there. I was abused and You did not aid me. I was accused and You did not clear my name. Do I still belong to You?

O' mighty God, I do not understand a lot of things. But still I bless the name of the Lord. Job says, empty handed I come, and empty handed I will go, still I blessed the name of my God. God, You freely gave, and You freely take away. Do you not know I am not made of steel? Flesh and blood I am... I simply don't have the strength to go on. You struck me down with Your might. I am uterly helpless in You. There is nothing I can do. I lay at Your feet asking for mercy. It will be by Your Grace that I'll be saved.

Have mercy on me O' God.. Have mercy on me... This is more than I can bear...