Quarter-life crisis

In 2006, I introduced Quarter-life crisis in my blog. Not many people know what is that. (http://gary-strings.blogspot.com/2006/11/generation-x.html)

Quarter-life crisis is a term applied to the period of life immediately following the major changes of adolescence, usually ranging from the ages of 21 - 29. (*from wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis)

I had been denying myself for the past 4 years. I have been a very unhappy person, but I had been denying it.

I feel lousy because I can't find a job that matches my intellectual level. I am frustrated in my career. I feel insecure regarding the near future, concerning long-term plans, and life goals, and i feel insecure regarding my present accomplishments. I am not satisfied with my accomplishments. I am disappointed with my job, and I am frustrated with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career. I have financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipated high cost of living, etc.) and my hormones are changing and the desire to have a family. In that sense, I am envious that everyone else is, somehow, doing better than me. (Although it may not be true.)

My friends, don't be mistaken. I do not have a self-esteem issues. I think very highly of myself, I feel that I am ready to take over the world. I feel that if anyone can do something, so can I and I can do it better.

Maybe it is the pride that I took on myself that cause me to look at my circumstances and see that I fall short of my own milestones I have set. Maybe my ego is too big, I feel underachieved. That feeling sucks. Knowing that you can do better but yet circumstances do not allow you to release your potential cripples my life!

That reminds me of "The potter and the clay", where the clay is sitting on the shelf prophesying his cabinets' load of prophesy, agruing with the potter about his potential. Only to have the potter say "Six more months on the shelf!"

It is a constant struggle of the flesh. It is a constant struggle with God. Back to the shelf I go. Maybe I will not be ready, until my character is mould.

4 years ago, I took up a degree course. It was a bad decision. It was an "Ishmael" decision. I heard a clear "NO!" but I went ahead instead, trying to help God help me to achieve something in life.

I quote: "Often the stress we find in our lives stems from our own poor decisions. We make an 'Ishmeal' decision, then wonder why we can't just enjoy the 'Isaac' decision we also made. Each day of our lives builds upon the day before, which built upon the day before that. Poor decisions today bring friction and distress into our tomorrows. Poor decisions ruin destinies, and frustrate the fulfillment of God's purposes for our lives."

This degree caused me to lose my social circle, took away precious time from me, exhausted my fiances, indirectly I had to lose what I have built over the years to it. It is like a blood-sucking vampire, it suck the life force out of me. Drain my very soul and tie me down and keeps me captive.

What I wanted to use to get me out of bondage, now puts me in bondage and make me its subject!

Gosh!

" "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun? ...... I devoted myself to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under heaven. What a heavy burden God has laid on men! I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind. What is twisted cannot be straightened; what is lacking cannot be counted. I thought to myself, "Look, I have grown and increased in wisdom more than anyone who has ruled over Jerusalem before me; I have experienced much of wisdom and knowledge." Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind. For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." ~ Ecclesiastes 1 (NIV)

"For in much wisdom [is] much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow." ~ Ecclesiastes 1: 18 (The 1599 Geneva Study Bible)

The 1599 Geneva Study Bible states: "Wisdom and knowledge cannot be come by without great pain of body and mind: for when a man has attained the highest, yet is his mind never fully content: therefore in this world is no true happiness."

Maybe true happiness is only found it Philippians 4 : 11-12:

"Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty." ~ Philippians 4 : 11-12 (The Message Bible)