Why we fight?

(Link: Why we fight. The good news about those four main reasons. (5:20) - John Townsend)

Why do we fight? There is more than one reason why people fight. The basic one is because the other person is wrong. God send you as an angel to straighten the other person out. (Not!)

One of the reasons we fight is because we need to fight. And the reason why we need to fight is for one basic agenda.

Nobody have all the reality. There is your blind spots, that is your own hurts and your own filters that you put on things. Some of you see. For example when some body is truthful, you see them as being abusive. Because you have a lot of abuse in the past.

So every time when someone is direct with you, you feel like a victim, because there is trauma and hurt in that level. Some of you feel like when you speak out no body gets you, because you learn to be indirect. So you filter reality.

There are some of you that have been clean out and you start to know who you are and what you feel and what is important. But you still don’t have all the facts or all the reality. But some of you have all the reality that is like a kind of drama that replays itself over and over again in this painful relationship. Either way, no body has all the facts.

Another reason why we have to fight or do fight is to solve a problem. It takes a lot of effort to fight, because most of us are lovers. What makes it worth it to enter into conflicts?

There are things that make it worth it. I want to be understood, I want to see some change, I want to understand myself better, I like to deepen our relationship better.

4 things why people fight

1. Lack of connection – We are not connected and I want to be. I can’t tell if you are with me or not. I don’t feel connected to you and I would like that. Can we work on that?

2. Form of control – I can’t feel that I can be free around you, I don’t feel myself around you, I can’t feel I have choices. Some kind of a critical parent thing, it is hard for me to be me and be real. Hard to make choices.

3. Irresponsibility – I feel that I am always picking up after you. You don’t take your part of the problem. I am doing 80% of the work. The kind of "I do it all and I resent you" problem. Resentment gets into the way of love.

4. Self-centeredness – lets not talk about me, but what about you think about me.

These are 4 ways people are willing to cross into fighting. These are good reasons to fight because love and responsibility and freedom of choice, and empathy and denying your own self and getting the other person’s heart are worth good conversation.